18 Lessons from the Driscolls

Two of our favorite people to learn from are Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. Mark is the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

For their 18th Anniversary they wrote a blog about 18 things they've learned in marriage. You can check out the whole thing HERE or just read their tips below.

Grace’s 18 Lessons:

  1. Make time with Jesus your first priority, husband second priority.
  2. Be intimate often.
  3. Be willing to have hard and honest conversations, and pray for Jesus to make them fruitful.
  4. Pray for wisdom often.
  5. The enemy is always ready to divide you during trials. Don’t let him; cling to Jesus and each other.
  6. Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive …
  7. Don’t enable his sin, but pray for wisdom in timing and words, and be respectful when addressing it.
  8. Be a woman of inner and outer beauty.
  9. Make your home a place of retreat and rest.
  10. Study your husband, appreciate, value and respect him, especially when you don’t “feel” like it.
  11. HAVE FUN.
  12. Pray against lies. Memorize the truth of scripture.
  13. Spend regular, meaningful time together. Invest in the relationship.
  14. Don’t let bitterness set in if you are hurt or frustrated; dig up the root and pray it through.
  15. Be an attentive and available listener.
  16. Be teachable and willing to submit.
  17. Set your heart and body toward your husband and don’t let either wander.
  18. Repent often and allow trustworthy people to speak into your lives.

Pastor Mark's 18 Lessons

1. Stay in church community and under godly authority.
2. Stay in your Bible and always have at least a few good Christian books you are reading.
3. Be the spiritual leader by praying with your family, modeling followership of Jesus, repenting of sin, teaching your family, etc.
4. Serve your family and serve others as a family.

5. Pick a good potential mom and grandma for a wife.
6. If she respects you, the kids will too. If she does not, your family will be a grief to you.
7. Work with her to make the home, holidays, vacations, and other times filled with fun, laughter, and memories.
8. Just get through the rough seasons (sickness, demanding newborns, tough work seasons, extended family troubles, e.g.) by God’s grace.

9. Find an honest way to make enough money to give to God, be generous with others, and take care of your family.

10. Spend some money to make her life easier (dependable car, babysitting help, decent home, e.g.)

11. Try to make her laugh a lot and touch her heart and soul before you touch her body.

12. She’s not a guy, does not want to be treated like a guy, spoken to like a guy, or do what guys do.
13. She will sanctify you. It’s not her fault that your sin is obvious in relationship with her as she’s not changing you, but rather exposing you.
14. Syncing schedules is key: meet every week to organize your life together and plan out your life as one so you don’t live parallel lives.
15. Date night is important so make it happen, ideally every week.
16. Her needs change, especially when she becomes a mother, so look for new ways to humbly serve her.
17. Encouragement is to a wife as water is to a plant.
18. Every year gets better by the grace of God. Keep pressing forward together using the gospel to repent, forgive, and become more like Jesus.

One of the best sermons we've ever heard on marriage came from 2 sermons he did. Take the time to check it out. You can watch it, listen to it or even read the transcript. Here they are: "Marriage and Men" and "Marriage and Women."