Afraid to Pray

I had a real moment during my time with the Lord today. A break through.

Sometimes I'm afraid to pray. I'm afraid to ask for His wisdom, direction, and will on a situation.

I'm a doer. And doers don't usually pause to figure things out and analyze the situation and weigh all the costs. We just do. Confident that it's the right decision. And if it's not, confident we can clean up the mess. I never said this was a good thing. Just saying it's my tendency. I'm aware of the problem and working on it.

I realized today that I'm afraid that if I ask, the answer won't be what I want it to be. That maybe His way isn't mine. So sometimes I just don't ask.

The following verse was in my study this morning and it convicted me so much:

"The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup: you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:5-11

I need to involve the Lord on a continuous basis, in every step I take.

This is something I have started doing so much more since Karis came. She has broken me out of the structure I had become so comfortable in with my walk. She has forced me into a continuous day of prayer instead of just a morning prayer time with mini bursts here and there.

So I am going to be more intentional to ask His thoughts on ALL my steps first. WAIT. Then, once I hear, I can act. I am going to be aware that nothing is too small to ask His will in: what I put on our calendar, what I say yes (or no) to, what I watch, what I listen to, what I say (and don't say), what I read, what I buy, what I eat,... you get the point.

And I'm going to accept that His ways might not be like mine. But I have this confidence that it's better:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9