day 3 | chalkboard markers & anti-depressants

Today started off a little rough as I locked my keys in the car (thankfully without girls in it) just as I was about to head out the door with both of them for their 9 month and 3 year check ups plus flu shots for all of us. It was a rushed morning to get us all fed, clean, dressed, and packed up. Then I couldn't find my keys. And after really looking, I still couldn't find them. So I thought I'd just peak in the car window just to see if by chance I left them in there the night before. And yep. There they were. Awesome.

Appointment rescheduled for a month from now. And we made it a sweats, movies and playtime kind of a day. Nice to have a low key day at home enjoying my girls.

But I didn't forget about this challenge of things just for me... 

Chalkboard Markers. 

I just got them so I can't tell you how well they work long term or how long they last. But I can tell you from first experience they are awesome. I'm excited about chalkboards not being easily smudged or wiped off by kids. They are way more expensive than chalk, but so much sharper in color and easier to write with. And it made me so giddy to be able to do this for our front door in just a few seconds (I know it's not Pintrest worthy, but hey it's done):

Tonight was playoff night for our team, the St. Louis Cardinals. Playoff season is like Christmas in our house. It's one of my favorite times of the year. I love how all the Kisers-- all ages, all over the world-- come together. So last night was red night-- red food, red clothes, and our redbirds on TV. It was only appropriate to put my new markers to work and update the front door sign.

Anti-depressants. 

Eventually this topic will get its very own blog series but, for now, Chris and I both feel like it's a good time to mention that I was recently diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression (PPD). Not a severe case (not hearing voices or anything) but not a mild case (every self help thing and counseling just wasn't enough to pull out of it this time, like I did with Karis).

A very long story (that I will share eventually) made short: I finally sought help after about 6 months of not even realizing what I had could be PPD, I thought it was just normal post baby issues. Then normal sleep training issues. Then normal sick kid issues. Then normal potty training woes issues. Then normal having 2 kids issues. But finally after the encouragement of my hubby and some very good friends I went to a trusted professional. I hadn't even considered PPD because I was actually great post-partum. It wasn't till 2 months or so after Moriah was born that things started getting bad. And then each month got worse. What a relief it was to learn that PPD can start any time from right after birthing all the way to 6 months post delivery. I had no idea. I thought I was just having a hard time adjusting to two. I had no clue what I was feeling wasn't normal.

But once I got the diagnosis confirmed I had a choice: meds or no meds.

This is a VERY opinionated topic (one that I had opinions about), so I was hesitant to share because I honestly didn't want to cause a ruckus or start that conversation/battle. But we felt like it would be good to share. It's also was a hard one for me personally because my mom is a psychologist NOT a psychiatrist. So I was raised to be weary towards meds unless absolutely necessary and used with therapy. What a relief to have my mom even support what I am going through and how I'm choosing to treat it!

But I want to share that PPD is real. It is not a sign of weakness to have PPD. It doesn't mean you are unfit to have your kids or more kids. And it doesn't mean that you don't love Jesus or that He doesn't love you. Christians can and do get all forms of depression too. Christians who love Jesus and fully believe in His ability to heal and be enough for us. And sometimes prayer brings immediate healing and sometimes prayer doesn't (like any sickness). Sometimes medicine is the answered prayer for healing and sometimes it isn't.

So today, the biggest just for me thing I could do was taking my first anti-depressant pill.


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