On Tuesday night my mom and I were watching Chris dominate the softball fields. Before the game started the umpire decided he wanted to share his life story with us.
You know the kind. Within a five minute period we knew all about his estranged relationship with his daughter, his dialysis schedule, his recent diabetes diagnosis, his stroke last January, and, he was sure to mention, the exact amount of his disability check ($1230.16).
Well the last thing he said to us was:
"I'm not angry with God, just a little disappointed."
I had to laugh. Not at him, but at the appreciation of his honesty.
Haven't you ever been there? Be honest. Christian or not, we have all had those days (or even more honest: months or years) where we aren't angry at God (well maybe at moments), we are just a little disappointed.
I often times look at my current situation and wonder, why I'm there or how I got there. And then the thought eventually comes around to how He let it get there? I really believe He is sovereign over all things, so why does it seem like He is out to get me sometime?
I'm not necessarily in this season now, but the umpire did make me think about it.
One of my favorite verses I cling to is Isaiah 55:8-9:
Often times reading this over and over and over again helps. If you are in that place now I hope it helps you. I continue to remind myself that His plans are greater and I will understand it all one day.
The second thing I remind myself of is that a lot of the reason I am where I am isn't that He has a greater plan, but I settled for less than His greater plan for me. My impatience had me settle for my good plans. When will this control freak ever learn?