This is a different introduction because I don't actually know know Lindsee. I say know know because I feel like I kno her. We have been virtual friends for years. I can remember commenting on each other's blogs for years now. But really we've only met a few times in person and never sat down for coffee. But what I love about Lindsee is how herself she is. You see through just simply reading her blog for years, because she puts all of herself out there, I feel like I know her. The real her, not the best version of herself to make everyone envious of her glam life. Lindsee is crazy gifted, and I can see this without every having seen her in action. Her heart is genuine and she wants her life to mean something for God whatever that means. And because of that she is someone that I can't wait to see how God continues to use her and open up doors for her. Reading this post encouraged me to be a better friend, convicted me for the times I haven't been and really got me excited about ignoring relationship statuses and pursue friendship with whoever the Lord places before me! Thank you so much Lindsee for your grace-filled words of wisdom and love.
Sweet Married Friend,
I need you to know first and foremost that I don’t typically refer to you as my married friend. But since I was asked to write a letter to you from a singles perspective, I thought I’d throw that out there. It doesn’t mean you’re a better friend or a worse friend, it simply means you’re married. And really, how weird would it be if we referred to our friends according to their marital status? I’m so thankful we don’t. That could get awkward so quick.
I say all of that to say this…
Remember that time your new husband whisked you away on your wedding night to a romantic destination and I bawled my eyes out?
I didn’t cry because I was angry or hurt or not even fully rejoicing with you, I honestly could not have been more excited and honored to stand with you on your wedding day, I cried because all of the sudden reality hit and I knew the moment you drove away was the moment our friendship would change forever and I was grieving the loss of that sweet season.
Although change is necessary and good, change can be hard. And let’s be honest, my biggest fear was that you’d forget about me as you started to build your life with your new husband. In my mind I knew you’d move on to bigger and better things and eventually we’d just be a memory. Oh, what a lie that was.
As a girl who knows singleness, has walked this road quite literally my entire life, and who daily places my longings before the Lord, I want to remind you why I need you, sweet married friend. You never confirmed my biggest fear and because of that, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, thank you for loving me the way you do, even though you’re a married woman.
Thank you for your friendship. God didn’t create singles to be loners. He didn’t create anybody to be a loner. He created us for deep fellowship with one another. Paul wasn’t a loner, and after all, he too was single. He knew the importance of friendships and loyalty. He knew the importance of encouragement and investment from all generations. Although I was afraid our friendship died at the altar, you’ve proved to me otherwise. Looking back, it seems silly that thought even crossed my mind, but it did. Yes, we did have to re-learn how to do friendship in this season, and yes it took work, but I’m thankful we’ve found our new normal. I love this season of our friendship just as much as I loved the last.
Thank you for speaking truth to me. One of the greatest lies Satan feeds singles is that we’re being left behind. That God is holding out on us. Through different months and seasons, this lie can become escalated to the point of devastation, so instead of watching each of my friends move on without me to each new stage in life, I love journeying with you. Getting to be a part of your life and doing life with you is so much sweeter than sitting in despair and self-pity as I watch from far away, because the truth is, according to God’s word, I’m not being left behind and He’s not holding out on me. Or you.
Thank you for not leaving me at the altar. It just so happens that the older I get, the more people get married. Who’d of known? If I only wanted single friends, I could find them in masses at all sorts of venues. If the rule of thumb were strictly sticking to friendships within our season than singles would have a quick turnaround. In my experience, single people don’t stay single forever. How sad would it be if my friendship circle rotated every year? We both know making new friends is hard. And although I know certain friendships come and go through certain seasons of our life, there are also certainly friendships that last a lifetime despite our current season.
Although singleness is my current situation, it’s certainly not my identity. So why put a label on it? And let’s be honest, the more single people I hang out with, the less pressure we all feel to get married because we’re “just having fun”. When really, the Lord has called us to singleness for such a time as this. I never want to underestimate the reason or power of this season because He’s given me the opportunity to serve him in undistracted devotion to Him. Though if I were honest, I can’t say I’m never distracted.
Thank you for loving and serving your husband well. As I watch you and your husband and family love and serve each other and serve the body of Christ, I have one desire in marriage, to serve the Lord better together than apart.
Thank you for bringing my expectations back down to reality. If given the option to spend a Friday night going to see a chick-flick or spend time with your family, I’d, 98% of the time (unless it’s a MUST SEE), choose to spend time with you and yours. Why is that? Because each chick-flick I watch sends me into a tailspin of unrealistic expectations. Each chick-flick I watch makes me all the more discontent. Watching your husband love and serve you (although I know it’s not perfect either) is so much more romantic. It’s realistic. And those times I need a guys opinion or perspective, well, your man just might be my best option. After all, he did something right in winning you. Grin. Although marriage is a beautiful thing, it’s not all roses and rainbows. It’s hard work. And you let me see that.
Thank you for helping me rest. Honest to goodness, I feel at rest in your home. I won’t lump all single people into this category, but I’d say more often than not, single people have a tendency to max out their schedule because we simply can. When nothing is vying for our attention at home, we have the freedom to over-commit. I’m not saying it’s beneficial, but it’s reality. Your home, though there may be four small children running around, gives me a time to pause. To think. To just be. Call me crazy, but it’s the truth.
Thank you for bringing normalcy to my life. Instead of constantly bringing to my attention my singleness, you encourage me, pray for me, love me and listen to me. I’ve never felt like an outcast with you, and the thought of being the third wheel rarely crosses my mind. Especially when we have lunch, coffee or phone dates and we both share our disappointments and struggles. You help me realize that singleness is not a life sentence (though sometimes it feels like it is), nor is it an identity, just like marriage isn’t, and for both of us, our true worth is found in Jesus. It’s simply a season. A season I pray I steward well.
And every now and then when I’m lonely or struggling, and those days certainly happen, your story gives me hope. You may not know the last thing about being single, but I’m sure you’ve had some lonely days as well. You may not know what waiting for a husband is like, but I have no doubt you too have been in a season of waiting for this, that or the other. We certainly both have that in common. And when we can share in that, it feels normal.
Thank you for inviting me in and letting me do life with you. You know those times you’ve invited me to your kids birthday parties? Those times you’ve let me love and hug on them? Yes, I so appreciate those times. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I dislike children, I actually really love them so until I have some of my own, your babies are the next best thing! And I mean that with every ounce of my being. They bring me much joy.
Sweet friend, do you know how much I love you? I can’t say thank you enough for not dropping me the minute you became a wife and mother.
Think about how boring life would be if you only had married friends, or if I only had single friends. I think one of the greatest blessings the Lord has given me is friends in all different seasons; single, young married, married with kids, empty nesters and so on. Doing life with each of them has been so rich. I always want to be that kind of friend. A friend to the old, young, single, married, widowed.
Thank you for your random, yet timely and encouraging text messages, especially on the important days. Thank you for the snail mail. Thank you for your words. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your sweet investment. Thank you for inviting me in. Thank you for knowing me, and wanting to know me. Thank you for being interested. Thank you for not leaving me to the birds. I never want to overstay my welcome, but you’re so kind to let me see the good, bad and the ugly. I told a friend just the other day that when my time comes, and I have my man, I want to love single people as well as you have loved me. I never want to forget where the Lord has brought me.
You’ve been a good friend to me and I am forever grateful.
I dearly love you.
Lindsee was born and raised in Houston and actually loves it. Imagine that?! While she graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Education, the Lord planted her Girls Ministry right after graduation. She loves nothing more than seeing teenage girls get it and live their life for Jesus. Loving Jesus doesn’t mean you can’t dress fashionable or have fun, it just mean you live to make His name great and famous while falling in love with Him. She also may or may not love shopping, singing and taking naps. You can connect with Lindsee on twitter or her blog. (Though don’t be shocked when you see little action as she’s currently on a social media break.)
Check out some of the other 2012 relationship guest posts:
Erin DuBroc (Why things had to change: Part 1
& Part 2)