I hate this for you

I'm sitting in the middle of one of my favorite breakfast stops in Houston while my girls are at Mother's Day Out. And I'm sobbing.

I'm a sucker for really good songs and today I was introduced to a new (to me) one: I Will by Lynn Miles and the tears filled my eyes after a few lines. And because I felt like torturing myself I threw in Held by Natalie GrantBlessings by Laura Story, and my personal favorite from the 90s, If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens. And now I'm sobbing.

There is so much hurt around me. And now the tears won't stop. And the person having their pancakes and cinnamon coffee next to me is giving me weird glances and I don't even sort of care. I am so thankful I opted out of make up today. No one needs public ugly cry and mascara streaks. Moving on.

I feel like I can't go a day lately without hearing stories that suck the air out of my lungs.

I hate it. I don't get it. I can't wrap my mind around it. Standard replies don't hold up against these things.

I'm just left to say the only thing I know how to say:

I'm sorry... I hate this for you... This sucks... I don't get it either... I'm so sorry.

And I sit there. Sometimes silent. Sometimes praying in my head. Sometimes praying over them. Sometimes weeping.

Because what else can you do?

I'm a fixer and these things can't be fixed. Not by me. Not with a quick mental brainstorm/strategy session. And I hate that. I hate my weakness in moments like these.

But I'm so grateful for it too. Because I fully believe the following words:

 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

I don't share a verse to put a spiritual stamp on this. I'm so sick of spiritual stamps (and stickers and bumper stickers and coffee mugs).

I share it because it's the only hope I have to offer myself during this time. The only thing I can pray for those that are going through it.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 is Jesus promising us that it will be OK. Not because everything will be better. But because in our weakness His power is made perfect.

I want His power for my friends right now. Mine would do nothing for the mountains that are hovering over them.

They need the power of Someone who parts oceans. The power of Someone who raises the dead and heals the sick with just a word. The power of Someone who can create light. The power of Someone who can give breath. The power of Someone who gives the underdog in battle victory again and again and again. The power of Someone who makes the lowly a king. The power of Someone who walked on water. The power of Someone who feeds 5,000 from 5 loaves and 2 fish.

I want this power for my friends.

So if today it's you and you just don't know how you are going to make it through today, this is for you:

"I'm sorry... I hate this for you... This sucks... I'm so very sorry."

And imagine me doing what any real girl friend would, I come to your side or fall at your feet. And just sit. And the tears trickle down both our cheeks. And we whisper our desperate please for God to do something. We doubt it. And that's OK, because we also believe it. Doubting isn't disbelief, it's part of belief (for me anyway). Even though our minds can't fully wrap around all God has done in His Word, we know He did it. So we believe and ask for that same power to come into your situation. And then we just sit there until you are ready to get up.