Last night I found myself laying in the middle of this:
Not exactly how you imagine your day to go.
I woke up yesterday with a pinched nerve. Not unusual for me to have neck issues, so I continued on with my day. But around noon my vision started to get foggy. Again, didn't think much of it. I mean I have an 8 week old who has decided this week to go back to waking up every 4 hours (good times). But then quickly my vision got worse. I had those spots all over that you get just before you pass out. And there was no depth perception and everything started swirling. I was holding Moriah and couldn't tell the difference between her face and the bottle I was holding for her.
Naturally that made me a little concerned so I grabbed my phone to call Chris. That took about a minute to be able to focus long enough to find his name. Naturally he headed straight home, had me stay on the phone with him the whole time, unlock our door and put Moriah down.
Our doc said not to even bother coming in but to go straight to urgent care to get examined. By this time though my vision was totally normal again. The weirdness lasted about 3 hours, but was fine. But I went so Chris didn't worry and because my friends made me (I am a classic under reactor).
Got to urgent care and they immediately took me back. I was thankful they weren't going to waste my time. Was so certain she would laugh at me and say come back when you have some real symptoms. Nope. She said that they wanted me to go straight to an ER connected to a hospital. What? Are you serious? Ugh. OK.
So the the ER we went. The triage nurse had me come back to do the initial eval. She said, "I'm going to be honest with you, there's a lot of people ahead of you. You are going to have to wait for hours." So I said, "Is that your way of saying I should go home?" She said, "Absolutely not. You have to be examined. I just wanted you to know." So I said, "Then can you tell my friend she can leave, that I'll be fine. And she doesn't need to wait with me for hours." And the nurse smiled, realized I wasn't getting it, and said, "No I will not." So to the waiting room we went.
We saw some hilarious things while waiting. Seriously if you need some good laughs, I highly recommend going to your local ER. Unless you are a very compassionate person, then maybe don't. But I love to laugh and have a problem doing so uncontrollably in socially awkward moments. So this was highly entertaining for this cooped up mom of a newborn.
Because I'm sure you are curious I'll share my 3 favorite characters of the night:
*Broken leg lady in a wheel chair that got run into the wall by her hubby pushing her. Thinking he slept on the couch last night.
*Large, adult man wearing Jack Daniels PJs with the pants cropped to mid-calf. Complete with his own plastic cup like Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty. Oh and can't forget the face mask he wore the whole time except when he coughed without covering his mouth. Thanks for that JD man.
*And maybe my fave, Miss who wears short shorts (and shouldn't) with an even shorter patience. She stormed out because of the ridiculous wait (of 2 hours) literrally minutes before the nurse came out and called her to come back.
Feel free to judge me for judging, but it was highly entertaining. And if you were sitting with us, I guarantee you you'd be shaking, snorting and covering your face right along with us.
For you wondering if I have a serious illness of some sort, I don't. I'm fine. Going to neurologist tomorrow to confirm all the results in hospital were correct.
But that night did cause me to pause for a moment as I laid in the CT Scanner and think,
"In this moment our life trajectory could change. How many have been laying on this very table, with this very machine swirling around them, with these very same symptoms,... how many of their lives changed in a minute?"
I honestly thought I was fine and was there to put my sweet hubby's worries at ease. But I couldn't help but think of those whose lives changed in a minute.
And how, if the Lord for some reason saw fit, mine could to.
I prayed and begged for His will to be done. I sang songs (in my head) that proclaimed His power. And I thought of those two sweet little girls tucked in for naps right now and my sweet hubby who brought my daughter up to the hospital in 50 degree weather in flip flops, and thought that I wouldn't want to leave them yet (and they need their Mama for things like sweaters and boots and matching hair bows).
Yes, all this in 5 minutes. I'm a woman. I can think ridiculous thoughts, sane thoughts, sarcastic thoughts and pray all in a span of 5 minutes.
Nothing serious came of it for me. But it has made me think how my life would be different if the results were different. Not because of a diagnosis. But what would matter to me.
I would probably care less about dirty dishes, facebook statuses/instagram uploads/twitter feeds/etc., fighting with Chris over the little things, what people think of me, that my regular pants still don't fit and my maternity pants make me look pregnant still, how many other women are doing what I want to do and how I shouldn't even attempt women's ministry. And I'd care more about my husband and love him deeply and well. I'd care more about having tea parties, reading books, dressing up, playing chase, tickling and so many other things with my sweet girl. I'd treasure those 2am feeds as some of the sweetest moments of my day. I'd pursue what God called me to do regardless of what I saw others doing. I wouldn't give myself such a hard time for dirty floors, take out or unchecked voicemails. I would be jealous and bitter and envious so much less.
I'm not changed, but my perspective has shifted. And I hope I don't forget this day.
A special thank you to Erin Stearns for driving me all around and staying with me the whole time. You are an above and beyond friend, and why I consider you a sister. Love you so.