Jealous

Jealousy is a funny thing (or I guess it’s really not). But lately I have found myself envious of others and what they have even though I really don’t want what they have…yet. Does that make any sense?

I’ll just be more specific. I feel like SO MANY PEOPLE ARE GETTING PREGNANT. Don’t get me wrong, I am SUPER happy for them and BEYOND excited!! Also, I have come across several blogs lately of old friends that already have babies too. For some reason, even though we are not ready to have kids yet, I envy those that are on the path of parenthood.

But what’s really sad is I’ve even tried talking myself (and Chris) into us being ready. And we aren’t. We aren’t ready financially (we have a plan, and babies don’t come in yet), I’m not ready physically (which I know I probably never will be), I’m not ready professionally (Arbonne is taking off and I like my job at the church), I’m not ready emotionally (my heart’s not in it yet, as much as I can’t wait for it one day) and I’m not ready spiritually (bottom line I don’t feel like the Lord has said: it’s time).

This is one of the silly things about being a girl, not only do I struggle with jealousy, but I struggle with jealousy when I’m not even really jealous. Anyway, it makes me laugh (and at the same time want to cry) and I thought someone out there could relate.