Loneliness

Do you ever have those days where you just feel lonely? I am surrounded by people. People I love and enjoy being around. But for some reason I feel lonely.

There have been specific moments in my life when I remember intense feelings of loneliness even though I was surrounded by tons of people.

The first was the hardest. I was a junior in college at Texas A&M (insert Whoop for all the Aggies here) and I had just been elected as chaplain for my sorority, Sigma Phi Lambda. I had lots of friends before this, but once I was in leadership you’d be amazed how “friends” came out of the woodwork. (Did I use that phrase right?) I found myself in the loneliest year of my life. Surrounded by 100s but yearning for a few that would connect. The Lord and I grew closer that ever that year.

Then when I moved to Fort Worth the summer before my senior year to take an internship at a church. I left everything- my friends, my school… my aggie ring (gasp!). I gave it all up in pursuit of God’s calling over my life. What I found was that sometimes when you move away friendships don’t travel with you. Some do, but most don’t. This too was an intensely hard time for me. The experience in ministry wasn’t what I had hoped it would be and I became overcome with disbelief. My faith was tried harder in those 12 months than ever in my life. What came out of it is a resounding faith that will NOT be shaken. I know that I know that He is Lord, there is no other!

I can see God’s hand in each of those circumstances. So why is it so hard to see it now? My prayer the past few weeks has been that I would be satisfied in the Lord and draw closer to him during this time of loneliness. He has allowed it or ordained for a reason.

My friend Erin said to me today, “I know the Lord has great plans... I just wish we could see the puzzle box so we would know where all these pieces go...that way it wouldn't hurt so bad as we try to figure it out.” I thought that was the perfect way to say it.

This morning this song by Third Day came on the radio. It so encouraged me and reminded me that HE IS ALWAYS THERE. I hate cheesy Christian sayings, but this one is true… if we would just believe it.

I am always here
How's it make you feel to know
That you're not alone
Even when you cry
I will hold you tight
and say,"Don't you be afraid"

Cast your cares away
Lay your burdens on me
There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you
And I'll keep all the promises I've given to you

I am gonna be with you here and everywhere
Do you know that you're not alone?
I will go ahead of you, what have you to fear?
Do you know that you're not alone?
You are not alone I am everywhere

Yes I hear your prayer to me and if you'll believe
Yes you can do anything
I will give you all the strength
Take me by the hand I'll lead you all the way

If for no other reason, I am encouraged by this blog. As I read through it to catch any errors I just felt a peace. To be reminded of God’s hand is so encouraging!! If the outcome of each of those major seasons of loneliness was a deeper relationship with the Lord then BRING IT ON!! I want to draw closer not matter what the cost.