Pending

Have you ever felt like your life is pending?

This morning as I was journaling I listed out all the things I feel like I've been waiting on forever (read a few years), six things to be specific. And as I looked at all of them and as I was thanking the Lord for His timing truly being better, it hit me: these things I've been desperately waiting for, are still just pending.

And I asked myself, if I would still be thanking the Lord if the transactions, so to speak, don't go through?

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog ("Is it enough for you?") about God's provision. At the time I was still looking at some big things that weren't even pending. And now, this very morning, I listed out six specific things that I've been waiting on and every single one of them is pending. At any moment they could come to fruition... or disappear.

And in this new place I keep wondering and asking myself, am I willing to follow God even if they all disappear?

And on the flip side, 
will I follow God if everything comes to fruition? 

Because isn't that often when we take over? When we get everything we want. After a little while we forget what things were like before the blessing (remember the Israelites?).

A song that has been ringing in my ears the past couple of weeks is "I will follow" by Chris Tomlin.

After I listened to that song this morning I remembered something. If you've been a long time blog follower you probably remember that intense call to "GO" I had a few years ago.  (Read the background of all that here.) The Lord had given me Abram's call from Genesis 12:1, "GO... to the land I will show you." Back then I knew only 2 things: #1 I needed to go. And #2 He'd show me what that was.

The journey has been unexpected. For a doer and over-achiever like me, this was not any where near my plans for my life. But it has been a good one.
It has slowed this busy body down.
It has focused this dreamer.
It has disciplined this adventurer.
It has prioritized this over-committer.
It has been the best thing for me. Not always pleasant. Not always wanted. But the best thing.

And I thought this morning, it took me a year to finally "Go" after feeling the call. And the past two years I've been in this season of "I will show you." And I've been waiting... and waiting... and waiting... But now, I believe, He is is showing me. I can see a glimpse of where He has been taking me all along. Not the final destination by any means, but the first stop (or so I believe).

A verse I've been thinking a lot on is: 

"...You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your own passions." James 4:2b-3

What about you? Where are you right now: Do you feel like you are waiting for a transaction to post? Or do you find yourself hitting refresh just waiting for it to say pending? Or has it gone through recently and you are finally taking it all in? Or did you go through all those steps all to watch it fade away just as quickly as it came? How do your feelings towards God change through each step?