As ladies we have been groomed to by Disney Princesses. From a young age we become obsessed with finding our Prince Charming, "the one" for us.
New Theory: Find The One, then the two
New Theory= Jesus is one + Spouse is 2 --> revolutionary concept, not legalistic
So the key to finding the right two for you is finding The One.
How to find The One?
When I found The One: I was 16 years old and really not open to Christianity any more. I was more concerned with having fun and making the most after life. Christians did a pretty good job convincing me that I didn’t want what they had. Until my brother became a Christian. He took me to Metro and the speaker asked us to pray at the end “Lord make me willing to be willing to give you my life because right now I’m not.” I felt like that was honest enough and prayed it. 6 months later my heart was totally changed. Driving to my boyfriend’s house to break up with him, I prayed the most uneloquent, but genuine prayer surrendering my life to the Lord.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
To live for Christ --> YOU MUST DIE!
-it will be hard-- giving up dreams, hopes, loves, etc.
-not always a mountain top experience
-...but things that are worth it always take work
Nils has said: “my circumstances around me didn’t change, but my heart did.”
Chris said on the last track: “this is just the beginning.” It’s just beginning with the Lord! Enjoy the different seasons-- the good and the bad, the ups and down. Don’t rush ahead.
How to fall in love with The One?
MYTH: “once you are fully content in Jesus, he will just come along” LIE! LIE! LIE! I will pay you $20 if you slap the next person that tells you that. Seriously shoot me an email and tell me you did it and I’ll send you a check. ;)
So you have found The One, now what?
This kind of love is intense security: HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
Apply the same things you do when you like a boy... What do you do when you like a boy?
-read the notes, chats, emails, blogs... or whatever else he writes to or about you
-talk to him non-stop
-do fun and crazy new things together
-find out everything there is to find out
-talk to your girlfriends about him
It’s the same with the Lord-- your consume your life with Him. Great ways to do that:
-Read the Word
-Become a good listener
-Be creative -- have fun with it!
-Learn everything you can about Him
-Talk with others about Him
Becoming the Two
Trash the list --> be the list.
1. Let the past go!
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”
You are NOT who you were. Let it go!
But know what your pitfalls are and fill them in! Set up walls!
If you are really struggling through some things: GET INTO COUNSELING. I’ve done it. I’m doing it. It will do wonders for you!
Side Note: If you are a victim of sexual abuse/molestation-- this part is not for you. What happened to you IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There is nothing in that process that tainted you. I am so sorry for what you’ve had to experience. If you are friends with someone that has experienced this, be there for them and you must continuously remind them that it is not their fault and in no way taints their purity.
2. Become new... NOW!
You aren’t going to magically not struggle with things when you find your man.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
What are some of the things that are really holding you back from true intimacy with The One and will one day affect true intimacy with your two?
-masturbation? just because you are married doesn’t mean you all of a sudden won’t want to self please.
-pornography? you are teaching yourself to find pleasure in something that isn’t real. your spouse will never be able to compete with that.
-debt? just because you get married and have two incomes doesn’t mean you will all of sudden stop being a poor manager of your finances, it just means you will have more to mess up with.
-attention from men? if this is something you struggle with now, on a bad day in marriage this will be what you will find comfort in again. it leads down a dangerous path.
-drinking and drugs?
Whatever it is STOP.
MYTH: you don’t have to have it all together to meet your spouse, but it will help the more you’ve broken free from.
3. Submit to your future husband now
The Bible doesn’t have much to say about dating, but it has one very clear command for us:
Ephesians 5:22-- “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.”
This isn’t a bad thing, it’s respecting and honoring him now.
This means in your dating relationships submit (love, honor, respect, cherish, support) NOW.
ex. If you think kissing a a guy on the cheek is still submitting to your husband NOW, then fine do it.
ex. if you think giving a guy a hand job and giving him free range to touch you every where else, but you aren’t having sex, if you honestly believe that is still submitting to your husband now, then fine do it. NO. That obviously isn’t.
By asking ourselves “Does this submit to my man now?” we can stop asking ourselves other questions about dating (i.e. How far is too far?).
4. Start Praying for him
1:46 Challenge --> In college I was challenged to start praying for Chris. After reading 1 Cor 13:4-6 (love chapter), I got the idea to pray for him every day at 1:46pm (military time for 13:46).
5. Build a Community Around You
Question: Have you ever known a girl that disappeared once she started dating someone?
We need that community before the guy comes into the picture.
Proverbs 27:17 - “As iron sharpens iron, so one many sharpens another.”
-find friends that will speak truth into your life
-find older women (who are in the next stage of life)!
6. Help the guys out
1 Peter 3: 3-4
“your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
Watch what you wear.
Gentle & Quiet Spirit = not a change in personality but attitude.
7. Refine the desires of your heart
stop misquoting or getting upset with God for taking this out of context
Psalm 37:4 - “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
You must first delight in Him, then your desires will be fulfilled... but they might have changed too.
Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us that His ways and thoughts are higher and greater than ours.
8. Don’t ever settle. It’s not worth it.
On my wedding day the people that were closest to me were in FULL support of the marriage I was entering into. Everyone knew that this was the exact man I was supposed to be with. I want this (what I have) for you.
Marriage and dating is such a big deal. Don’t play around with it.
Going after The One
Fix your eyes on Him.
We all quote Jeremiah 29:11, but we leave out the best part v12-14:
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. --> Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and I will restore...”
Prayer Activity: Take some time, spread out and surrender. Ask Him to be Your One. Pray that He would make you fall in love with Him.
Song: “None But Jesus” -Hillsong