Today I turn 34, officially entering the mid-thirties bracket. I will share more about my feelings on that when I share my "thoughts to My Mid-30s Self" post. Be sure to sign up for email updates (on right column if you are on a desktop or scroll to bottom for my phone friends) so you can be updated when new blog posts go live.
Today, we kick off this series, Thoughts to My Mid Self, with some thoughts to my mid-single digits self. If I could go back and whisper some things to little Becky, ages 4 to 6ish, here are some things I would say:
You aren't hyper, you are full of life. You don't have A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. You, bubbly little girl, are just full of life. Your zest for all things will be something that will attract the best people to you and the most unlikely situations. Don't try to calm down. Don't try to blend in. They call you Giggles because there is a joy in you that will not be easily extinguished. Don't let labels like hyper cause you to feel bad about being you. You will mature and the hyper like tendencies you will grow out of. For now, sweet girl, be full of life. Your mom will call you vivacious and a social butterfly, this is a better description. Own those labels, not hyper.
You are a yes sayer and a signer upper (you also, apparently make up words) and it's one of the best parts about you. Your church will have a volunteer recruitment Sunday, and unlike all the other 5 year olds there, you listened and signed up... for every single ministry. All the old people will think you are the cutest for this and you will take your jobs very seriously. When you see a need, you step in and do whatever you can to help. It is good to serve others. Don't stop doing this or feel shamed that adults think it is unusual or funny that you did this.
Things will get better. These next couple of years won't be easy ones sweet girl. You will find yourself, your light, being trapped in the shadows. Life will get harder. Scary and sad things will happen. But God. Oh sweet girl, the God you don't know yet is fighting for you. Years of counseling will bring healing to these years and you will trust God so much more once you see His hand of protection over you. He is a Good Father. He loves you. And for all the rest of those things, I grieve them for you. I have wept heavy and hard for you but we come out of it. The best part of all is you will be such a help to so many because of it. You grow up during these years. Parts of your childhood stolen away. But God. He will use this for His glory and your good, sweet girl.
You will learn to read and become obsessed with books. You will own every single Berenstain Bears book and turn the lights back on after you've been tucked in for the night just to read one more page or book. Doing this is a great choice. Guess what? Even as a grown up you still stay up later than everyone in the house reading. Reading is a gift and books are life giving. And one day, you will become a writer! I know who would've guessed. You still can't spell but there will be something called spell check that will change your life.
You will stop sucking your thumb. You will try everything and it will finally click. Also, oddly enough, you will be one of the few people in your middle school that does not have braces (much to your disappointment).
Nils will still be your best friend. Life won't be easy the next few years, but it will make you and your brother so much closer. He will always be your best friend. Sure, you will have fights because you are siblings but you will always be close. This is easily the greatest gift from the hard times, you will have a trusted friend that happens to be your big bro. You will still think he is the coolest person when you grow up (even if your face in this picture doesn't express it).
Outdoors will become your sanctuary-- retreating and playing there as often as you can is genius. Bike down to the pool every summer day. Spin on that merry-go-round until you are dizzy. Fly up and kick the clouds on the swing. Climb up and down the trails of Bryce Canyon. Stand at the top of the Grand Canyon and start to realize that this didn't just happen, there really is a Great Creator of this all. When it rains don't stay inside, puddles are made for jumping and those ditches will be your favorite swimming holes. Be brave and jump off of trees into the Frio River. Feel the cool breeze on the rocky beaches of the east coast. Others will say Galveston is brown water and muddy shores. Keep ignoring them. You won't be able to afford to go to the fancier beaches for another decade or so. Even with those trips, Galveston will remain your favorite. Not everyone gets to live an hour away from the beach. Dig your feet into the grimmy sand and jump over brown waves for hours. And when you find yourself surrounded by hundreds of baby jelly fish, swim for your life and scream as loud as you can for help (ouch!).
Naptime is awesome time-- don't fight it. One day you will really wish you had a nap each day.
You will have your first kiss. Yep, like I said nap time is awesome. That crush you have on David Tipps (I think that's his name) is mutual and during nap one day he will lean over and kiss you right on the lips. You will feel like Sleeping Beauty and pretend to sleep the rest of that hour but be squealing inside. Kindergarten love is cute. Enjoy it.
Don't get that perm. In a few years perms will become popular. It's an 80s thing and please, don't do it. Your Grandma will offer to take you to the beauty school to have it done and you will spend 8 hours of your life destroying your hair for the next few years. Don't. Please, oh please, don't do it.
(Note: There are parts of my story I am vague in sharing, I don't mean to do that to cause curiosity or distract you, sweet reader. There are parts of my story I don't share because the story isn't just mine to share. There are parts of my story I don't share because they aren't your business. I mean that with love. Some things we need to hold to just those very few closest to us. Some parts of my story I don't share because it's not time to share. Some parts of my story I don't share because my vagueness is more helpful, it allows each of my readers to connect in their own way. You all know that I aim to be an authentic, vulnerable and open book here and in the Bible studies that I write. So thank you for being gracious with the vague allusions. Love you so.)
To see all the posts in this series, click the image below: