It's been a year. An entire year... plus a few days since I have officially not worked (full-time in the tradition form of the word).
I have spent this week reflecting a lot and it is pretty crazy to see what the Lord has done over the past 12 months and what He is showing me now. I'll try my best to describe it to you.
When I left I was in this weird flux of being so excited at what was to come and so insecure that I might just be a crazy loon for leaving my job, my benefits, my family, my position, my security, etc. Notice a lot of "my" issues? I knew, I KNEW, the Lord said to GO. Chris knew it too.
But just because you know you are to do something, doesn't make that decision any easier.
I left in mid-November and decided to take a few weeks "vacation" and have some focused time in December to see what the next steps would be. Little did we know that the week after I left my job I would get pregnant.
I didn't leave my job to get pregnant.
Honestly, if I had known I would get pregnant I probably would've just stayed working for another 9 months (hello paychecks, insurance, etc.). But again, the Lord said to GO. He didn't give me reason or ifs, just GO.
Everything about my call to GO changed. Or I guess everything about the way I was seeing the call changed. He knew what and why He called me to GO. He knew how things would pan out. I didn't have the faith to see that it could be as good as it was.
If you read my blog then, you remember I was so sick at the beginning of my pregnancy. Sick doesn't even begin to describe it. I was incapacitated for about half the day for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy. Here's a blog I wrote on it: "Morning Sickness: A Blessing & A Curse."
But the blessing-- there was a pregnancy. I had always been told by medical staff that it could take a while to get pregnant. And I had always been told that miscarriage risks would be high for me. I didn't miscarry. And I think a huge reason for that is that I wasn't working (I was able to rest more and not have the stress that a job (especially in ministry) carry with it).
There were days I would cry-- to myself, to God, to Chris, to friends. I didn't understand God's reasoning for it all. I was so thrilled that I was pregnant but so confused as to what to do with this call to "GO." I had thought it meant something else. I had thought it meant to pursue women's ministry.
There were and continue to be so many women's ministry opportunities that have come up.
I see them all now. In fact now, I have my hands more than full now with things.
But I had a hard time seeing them this past year.
What I have learned this past year more than anything is this Christ alone is enough for me. This year I have learned consistency with Him.
He is no longer on my To Do List, He is who I do life with.
It hasn't been an easy year. It's been a daily battle against my flesh, against other obstacles. But I feel like this is how life should be. I left my job to pursue an adventure. I didn't want to just "get through the day" any more. I wanted to embrace the day. I wanted my day to be my passion, to mean something.
I'm thankful now for the hardest two years of my life.